I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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