So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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