i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
