The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We have started to decorate penises.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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