take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
