So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
