She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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