haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
