Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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