remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
