A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
