official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
