Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
