Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
