Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
