My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
