I'm jealous of your bromance
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
