Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
