Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
