OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
