I cannot find my penis.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
