I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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