This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
