You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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