I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
