u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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