In the future we'll all be gay
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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