i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
