Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
