Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
