just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
