genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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