why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
