I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
