i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
