it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
