That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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