She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
True strength comes from lack of pants
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
