Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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