if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
