It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
