You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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