Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
