Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
