I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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