So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
