First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
