chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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