I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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