Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize