You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
