so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
