Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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