she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
