Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
